When your kids stop needing you quite so much, who are you?

Finding yourself after becoming a Mom is not easy. Finding yourself after being a Mom for 10 years is even harder.

I’ve spent the last decade (how has it been 10 years?) being a Mom first. Wife second. Human third. I have no regrets about it. In fact, I’ve cherished every minute.

Now, to be clear, I have not been this Florence Nightingale who selflessly looked after everyone else while completely ignoring myself. I’ve worked very hard to spend time doing things I love, spend time with friends and family, and fill my cup when I needed to.

But now I’m at a new crossroads. My kids aren’t babies anymore (which breaks my Mama heart and makes my uterus cry every time I see baby pictures), and as they get older, they don’t need me as much anymore. This leaves me feeling a little lost.

I was a really good Mom to babies. As they get older and I don’t have as much control, I have to learn to let go, and that is really hard for me.

I also have more time to start focusing on myself again, and that’s a little scary, but also super exciting. I have the time to pursue passions and dreams that I had once said, “One day.”

I even have the mental capacity to figure out what those dreams are. For so long it was feeding schedules, diapers and sleep deprivation. Now I’m feeling human again and getting my pink back (hello flamingo reference).

I’m still very much a work in progress, but here’s what’s helping me.

1. Create a vision board.

Create a vision board of what you want your life to look like. It can be beautifully themed or complete chaos. The important part is putting it together to give you a general idea of what you want your life to look like.

2. Focus on your health.

How often do we avoid scheduling a doctor’s appointment because we’re just too busy? Well, the kids are in school now and you have the time to go to an appointment. Do it.

Speaking of health, your body is beautiful and your tiger stripes from carrying your babies are powerful. But it’s also a good time to get strong and healthy. It may not be easy if you’ve been avoiding it for a decade, but baby steps still count… even in a step counter. Get moving, because we ain’t getting any younger.

3. Reignite your hobbies.

Reignite your love for the hobbies you had to put down while you picked up toys to put away.

Bring out the crochet hooks or painting supplies. Your kids can play on their own now while you take an hour to be creative.

If you can’t remember what your favourite hobby was, join a class or a sports team and see what brings you joy.

4. Give up the reins.

I’m giving up the reins when it comes to doing everything around the house.

I gratefully accept the help from my husband when he offers to register the kids for sports and take them to games. My oldest puts the dishes away. My middle child feeds the cat every morning. My youngest child is still a tiny tornado, but his day will come when he’ll have to step up too.

This is good for them because they’re learning responsibility, and it’s good for me because I don’t have to do everything. It frees up not only physical time but mental space as well.

5. Ignore the Mom guilt.

I’m reminding myself that I’m a human being doing life for the first time, and I deserve the opportunity to pursue other things that bring me joy.

I am blessed to always be a Mom first, and that will never change, nor do I want it to. But I am still a woman, and I’m excited to hear me roar.

A few years ago I was rocked with some pretty hard obstacles that could have crushed me. And for a while they did. Maybe not always on the surface, but quietly in the back of my mind, telling me I couldn’t do something or that I’d fail at it.

But over time, by choosing myself and choosing joy, I’ve learned to silence those voices. I’ve learned to trust myself again, and that feels so damn good.

I’m doing things that bring me joy in my career. I’m doing things that bring me joy as a friend. I’m doing things that bring me joy as a travel enthusiast.

And by bringing all that joy into my life, it’s made me a better wife, Mom and human.

And I will always be proud of that.